dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
