I could have mohawked her pubes.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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