just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I want a musical about memes.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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