Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
