then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
