let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize