I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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