Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
40s are totally the cure
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
