How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
