I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
