Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
