there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
