It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
