Got a toothbrush?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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