We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
When are your genitals available?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
