i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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