his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
