My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
