you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
my liver is dry heaving
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
