Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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