I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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