Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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