I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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