we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
