New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
