Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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