Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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