Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
