In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
im about as happy as oj after his trial
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize