lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
