Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
