so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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