youre lurking in front of me
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
