can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
