Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
