this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Randomize
