i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
His hands were made for my vagina.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize