Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
