And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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