Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
