that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
