This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
