I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
