Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
