We won't sleep together?
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize