never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
