i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
