you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
