The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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