Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
