Cold hands, warm shart.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize