Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
