Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I AM VODKA MAN
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
