Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
