I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Sext me about skeletons
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
