i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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