I just saw a hot homeless man
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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