Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
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