just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
