Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
