i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
