I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
