I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
