if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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