Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
