Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize