I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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