mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
