It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
