her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
