The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
