Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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