Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
