I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
