Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Randomize
