just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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