Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
