If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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