Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
