THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
