sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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