Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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