Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
