I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Randomize
