This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
This house was built for laser tag.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
