What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
