Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
