Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
