I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Buhtt sex?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
