With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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