Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
