His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
