i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Randomize