Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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