I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
