Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
