Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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