I'm gonna have a badass scar
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I supernannyed him into submission
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize