i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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