she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
