This girl is more easily done than said...
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
