Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
