Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
