yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize