Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
