It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
