It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
